At ILLT, our favourite meal of the day is brunch. If we were eleven years old, brunch would be our crush and we’d write “I ♥ brunch, IDST” on our school books. Brunch means we can still enjoy breakfast, having had a massive, fat lay-in. Brunch is the hungover man’s guilt-free lazy-day breakfast and that’s why we love it. We take our brunches …and our booze …very seriously.
Hopefully you already know this, but the whole ethos of this website involves only telling you lot about seriously awesome stuff in London. If something’s ‘only alright‘, we don’t bother telling you about it. What’s the point in emailing you lot about something which is borderline bland, when you live in the best goddamn city in the world? So, with all that in mind, here’s an equation for the following review. ILLT + Serious Brunch Love x Booze Squared + Only Telling You Lot About The Best London Stuff = Hixter’s Bottomless Brunch.
Or, ILLT + SBL x B² + OTYLATBLS = HBB – but that’s a bit of a mouthful, really. Pythagoras’ equations were far catchier, no wonder he hit the big time.
Here’s a great sign: we’ve told all our mates about this brunch since we discovered it a few weeks ago. Let’s cut to the chase. I’ve had bottomless brunches before and have left feeling underwhelmed. This bottomless brunch does what it says on the tin. The bloody mary’s and prosecco were poured freely as if they were a fast-flowing river in high season and we white water rafted on its wonderful current of dreams. We didn’t leave feeling underwhelmed, we left feeling drunk and extremely happy.
Our Saturday itinerary that day involved: “Have brunch. Go to The Tate Modern. Mess about a bit.” Look, we never said we were freaking tour guides, ok? Anyway, where could we brunch it up near The Tate Modern, we wondered. Bit of research later, we were heading into one of 8 of Mark Hix’s restaurants – the chef everyone’s going on about at the moment.
Hixter Bankside is pretty tucked away, but easy to find. The interiors are highly entertaining and include huge pieces of artwork and karma sutra wallpaper. Yeah, you read that correctly. It took me by surprise too. The food is amazing – their brunch menu is pretty modest, with 7 choices, but their take on classics such as eggs royale are dispersed amongst different options such as cock ‘n’ bull hash, which Tom opted for. It arrived at the same time as our third top-up of booze and we sat and chatted and enjoyed our brunch dishes immensely. As we finished, our glasses were topped up again and our plates were cleared away before, wait for it, a brunch dessert menu was placed in front of us. Brunch… dessert. Oh, Mark Hix, no wonder London loves you.
Looking over the brunch dessert menu, I almost had a heart attack. Was I imagining what that line read? No. I wasn’t and it wasn’t long before a salted caramel hot fondue with mini dipping doughnuts and marshmallows arrived. I cannot begin to tell you how incredible that dessert was. You need to try it. Seriously. Add it to your bucket list under ‘New Zealand sky dive’ or ‘Tinder-friendly tiger petting’ or whatever. It’s worthy of the number one spot on that list.
As we dunked and slurped that hot sauce, our glasses continued to breed their contents. We’d had the best food and the most amount of drink we’d ever had with brunch. It was the perfect way to start a Saturday. True to our word, we went to The Tate Modern and messed about, just as we’d hoped we might. What happened next wasn’t our doing, it was Mark Hix’s fault. We blame him.