Rollerdisco, Renaissance Rooms, Vauxhall

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Young Hearts Roll Free…

One of my all-time favourite films ever is Austin Powers: Goldmember. Besides the humour, it’s the seventies style throughout the whole thing which I’m most taken by -namely the rollerdisco.

When I found London’s answer, I didn’t quite expect it to rival the one in the film. In terms of attention to detail, the Roller Disco at the Renaissance Rooms host the kind of roller disco only Austin and Foxy Cleopatra could dream of.

The location all seems a bit ominous at first. You’ll find yourself faced with huge railway bridge arches, lots of barriers and bouncers and bag-checks. But pushing open the huge warehouse doors, it really was like stumbling into a film set. Stumbling being the main word used here.

I’m a competent ice skater -if competent means ‘can make slow progress without smashing ones teeth’. But rollerskating is an entirely different ball game. Figuratively speaking; there were no balls. That’d be a health and safety disaster.

Skatey-skills aside, the entire night was a hilarious, surreal mess. The sentence most uttered was “Look! Look at where we are! Look at what we’re doing!” -often said with ‘Street Light’ or ‘Young Hearts Run Free’ as our soundtrack. Disco balls spun (ok, so there were balls), lights flashed and bums were fallen onto. My stomach ached from laughing, my pride ached from being a sucky skater.

Here are my survival rules:

-Don’t go here on a date. Worst idea ever. Awkward. Unless you’re Jane Torvill¬†and he’s Christopher Dean.

-Do dress up. We didn’t. Every other person did.

-Don’t drink and drive: skating before Desperados is hard. Skating after Desperados is impossible.

-Do get there early; when it’s quieter, it’s easy to warm up and get into it. When it gets busy, the accidents start. Though maybe you find that as funny as we did. If so, wear a gum guard.

03 Roller Disco Hen Party

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Crikey! Look who else is a fan…

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She’s as good at skating as I am, it seems…

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